Editor's comments |
Saturday, January 17, 2009 |
Notes from the editor…
A Cry from the Heart is best summed up, I believe, in the letter that (with your help), your friend Lennie wrote to Spencer. Your non-religious, but spiritual side is reflected in Lennie’s words, “…there is a force directing the play of life,” stated as a belief and not as a fact. Then there are Lennie’s words, “I think it simply manifests the total vulgarity of man using force to impose his will on another.” Since you and Lennie had been friends for fifty years, it is quite obvious that you and he had come to a certain agreement.
Objective:
Your enthusiasm and compassion for your subject and for your fellow man comes through loud and clear. You have achieved “a cry from the heart.”
Structure
You should consider creating a table of contents. Yes this is a short piece and should fit nicely into a small-format paperback format, kind of like what we would have thought of as the kind of pamphlet (though a bit longer) that Thomas Paine would have published himself and handed out—back during the Enlightenment period, when we had those marvelous European and American thinkers, thinking about forming “a more perfect union.”
The beginning (which turns out to be Chapter 1, rather than an “Introduction,” is crystal clear and sets up what you want to accomplish in the rest of your essay.
And as I said before, the end does a good job of concluding, reminding readers of what you have said throughout the essay.
Numbered items
I saw the logic in your numbered items most of the time, but I could not understand why you numbered the children’s stories section. It almost made the children’s story seem stilted, but the subject matter and the way you handled the baby were endearing and at times funny. There again, you managed to illustrate your objectives.
Writing Style
Your writing style is fine. You had mentioned that you didn’t make very good grades in English in the ninth grade, but you should not apologize for your writing style, your voice. You and your personality come through just fine.
Again, I enjoyed your work and took it on specifically because you asked that the man who edited your work should not be a fundamentalist Christian! And now I see why you made that request.
Ron D.
A Cry from the Heart is best summed up, I believe, in the letter that (with your help), your friend Lennie wrote to Spencer. Your non-religious, but spiritual side is reflected in Lennie’s words, “…there is a force directing the play of life,” stated as a belief and not as a fact. Then there are Lennie’s words, “I think it simply manifests the total vulgarity of man using force to impose his will on another.” Since you and Lennie had been friends for fifty years, it is quite obvious that you and he had come to a certain agreement.
Objective:
Your enthusiasm and compassion for your subject and for your fellow man comes through loud and clear. You have achieved “a cry from the heart.”
Structure
You should consider creating a table of contents. Yes this is a short piece and should fit nicely into a small-format paperback format, kind of like what we would have thought of as the kind of pamphlet (though a bit longer) that Thomas Paine would have published himself and handed out—back during the Enlightenment period, when we had those marvelous European and American thinkers, thinking about forming “a more perfect union.”
The beginning (which turns out to be Chapter 1, rather than an “Introduction,” is crystal clear and sets up what you want to accomplish in the rest of your essay.
And as I said before, the end does a good job of concluding, reminding readers of what you have said throughout the essay.
Numbered items
I saw the logic in your numbered items most of the time, but I could not understand why you numbered the children’s stories section. It almost made the children’s story seem stilted, but the subject matter and the way you handled the baby were endearing and at times funny. There again, you managed to illustrate your objectives.
Writing Style
Your writing style is fine. You had mentioned that you didn’t make very good grades in English in the ninth grade, but you should not apologize for your writing style, your voice. You and your personality come through just fine.
Again, I enjoyed your work and took it on specifically because you asked that the man who edited your work should not be a fundamentalist Christian! And now I see why you made that request.
Ron D.
posted by Lawrence McGrath at
9:58 AM
